Friday, July 07, 2006

choke on it

For W's 60th Birthday, a yellowcake recipe:

2 cups of all-purpose unitary executive grist for the mill
1 1/2 cups of little white lies...err, sugar
1 cup of bovine lactic secretion
1/2 tsp of terrorist hysteria, i.e quick-rise baking powder
1 tsp of the salt being rubbed into America's wounds
1 tsp of extraordinarily rendered Guantanamo vanilla extract
3 unfertilized bird embryos

Cooking should be done in a vast deserted oven with no thought for cleaning up afterward. Preheat to an unfathomably high temperature, greasing a metal receptable with Saudi oil and mixing the dry ingredients. In a greater forum, cream those sweet lies together with some patriotic lard until light and fluffy. Add the embryos individually, beating each one unmercifully while verbally mocking the Geneva Conventions. Moisten gradually with the bovine secretion, finally adding the extracted Guantanamo vanilla (and a touch of Afghani opium) to taste. Bake in the oven for an interminable time, or until an American toothpick inserted into the green zone in the middle of the cake comes out unscathed. Frost with some of Cheney's Famous Nigerian Chocolate frosting and take another month-long vacation to pat yourself on the back.

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